Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
Pirate booty! Pirate merchandise for sale

ARRRRtichoke White T


On December 23, 2009, seven sea sailin' Spencer Prentice said:
A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"

The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"
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From: I made it up myself, sARRRY to say.
On September 15, 2009, one-eyed Cap'n Scurvy Dog Steve said:
A pirate recently retired and joined the American Association of Retired, Reprehensible, Rapacious, Rabid Guys, otherwise known as AARRRRG!
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From: Dirty-dog Dougo
On January 14, 2009, one-legged Cap'n Billy the Butcher said:
Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate

(10) "You can flog me, but I'm not eating creamed spinach."

(9) "I've buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes."

(8) "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas."

(7) "Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck."

(6) "This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days."

(5) "I wouldn't serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig."

(4) "If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?"

(3) "This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast."

(2) "Too many vegetables - too little shark."

(1) "What did they do with the last cook's body after he was hung from the yardarm?"
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From: Me book, GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING
On February 6, 2008, scurvy knave thebobsfan said:
A pirate and his crew were busy plundering a ship. When he entered the captain's quarters, he saw the captain hunched over a table, obviously deep in thought. When the captain didn't move, the pirate came closer with cutlass raised, but stopped short when he noticed that the captain was involved in a game of chess ... with a parrot! The pirate watched for a few seconds, and soon the captain made a move. "Good move! Good move!" the parrot cried, "Nice! Nice!"

Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.

The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)

"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.

"Somersaults," was the quick reply.

"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"

"That would depend on how hard I slap him."
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From: Just me reworking old jokes
On September 15, 2007, salty ol' Marc Whitcombe said:
A pirate captain goes up to his first mate after a raid on a coastal village;
"A good haul I hope" says the captain.
"I'm afraid not captain," replied the first mate. "I think we picked a poor village to raid," he continued.
"What!" exclaimed the captain, "How much money did you get?"
"All we found were a few copper coins," replied the first mate.
"Did you try the church? Did they have any fine tapestries or Holy treasures?" asked the Captain.
"All we got was a wooden alter," replied the first mate.
"What about the farms?" asked the captain. "Did they have any animals we can eat, or sell at market?"
"One donkey" replied the first mate.
"One donkey!" exclaimed the Captain.
"Aaaargh" replied the first mate, and he continued .................
.................
.................
(Wait for it)
.................
.................
"It was the only bray in the pillage."
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From: Wrote it for a review of a pirate related ride on my own website.