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On March 12, 2007, the dreaded Greg M. Pfeiffer said:
At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Dabloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among another odd birth defect. Dabloon of course inquires, "How he be a'holdin 'is ground?" Smartly, the parrot replied "Awk! With me yardarm of course," to which the parrot opens his wings and reveals his other birth defect, his wraparound length tally-whacker. The captain is amazed at the impressive appendage, and of course considers the parrot perfect among his mangy and motley crew.

Captain Loony Dabloon and the newly-monikered Tiltin Yardarm fast become talkative mates, and the captain wastes no time in warning his feathery friend of his cunning and lecherous first mate, Rusty Pegleg. "A foul bosom's mate he is, he'll steal your wench from ye as soon as he'd steal the bung from its hole!"

They voyage on, and at the next port the crew finds a slew of horny wenches, of which the captain always gets the first pick. Dabloon immediately picks the sauciest wench of the bunch, taking well into account as Rusty Pegleg drools at the mere sight of her. The captain keeps his lady waiting in his quarters while he settles with the mistress of the brothel, betting his first mate wouldn't be brazen enough to plunder the Captain's choice pick with Tiltin Yardarm bearing witness.

However, when the Captain returns, his wench is gone, and Yardarm begins to squawk a terrible account. Loony Dabloon is incensed-
"What transpired 'ere, and where's me choice wench?!"
"Awk! Rusty Pegleg is all to blame, I swear me Cap'n!"
This further infuriates Dabloon- "Tell yer every bit of it or I'll 'ave ye defeathered 'n tarred!" Titltin musters his courage- "Awk! He burst through the door and thrust her to the bed!" The captain now is boiling. "And then what 'appened?!"
His parrot begins to quiver. "Awk! She moaned and begged him to drop his anchor!"
Dabloon unsheathes his cutlass in a fit of anger, pointing at his feathery witness- "Spare no detail or it's yer life!" Shivering, his misplaced target of anger musters- "Awk! She was clawing for him to take her, begging him, pleading him 'Oh captain, Oh captain!'"
To this, the maddened Captain Loony Dabloon thrusts the tip of his blade to the edge of the poor parrot's neck- "Every bloody detail or yer to walk the plank and find Davey Jones locker with 'im!" Tiltin Yardarm swallows heavily and replies- "I can't bear witness to what happened next. I fell right off me perch!"
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From: A joke I've heard that I gave some piratitude.
On January 2, 2007, land-lubber themagicman09 (edit by Captain Karikas) said:
There once was an old pirate captain, and this captain had a son who had no ears. One day the pirate captain picked up some new crew members. As the new recruits got on board the captain told them about his son, and that he was very sensitive about the fact that he had no ears. He said that if they offended his son by saying any thing about his ears they would have to walk the plank! The new pirates were naturally nervous about meeting this boy.

Well, after a while some of the pirates met the boy. The first pirate tried not to look at him, but he couldn't handle it and kept staring. The boy yelled "What are you looking at!?" Hurried to think of an excuse, the pirate said "I was just admiring your hand! Take care of your hand, or you will have to wear a hook like me." "Thank you for the advice", said the boy.

Soon a second pirate encoutered the boy. When he stared at the boy the boy said "What are you looking at!?" "I was just admiring your leg," said the pirate. "You take care of your leg, or you will have to wear a wooden leg like me!" "Thank you for the advice," said the boy.

Later a third pirate encountered the boy and stared. When the boy said "What are you looking at!?" the pirate said "I was just admiring your eyes. You take care of your eyes or you will have to wear glasses like me... and you can't wear glasses, because you don't have any ears to hold them up!"
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On December 23, 2006, land-lubber Lizzie said:
First sailor: I know a pirate with a wooden leg named Smith!

Second sailor: What's the name of his other leg?
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From: Mary Poppins (With a few changes by me.)
On December 17, 2006, the grog-addicted beardymcbeardbeard said:
There once was a pirate captain, he lorded over the seas. There were none as brave as this pirate captain. One day as the sun was just peeping over the horizon, a crew member awoke to see that there was a ship heading toward their own precious vessel- their own precious vessel that was the home to countless priceless genuine artifacts.

As soon as he spied this unfriendly colony sailing toward his own precious ship, the crewman ran {as fast as he could with only one leg} to his beloved captains quarters crieing out cries of "Captain! captain! Oh one who lords so lordly over the seas, there is a ship nearing these waters! I dont think it wise to remain in slumber whilst such a danger is advancing upon us!"

The captain, tired from a long night partying the previous evening, merely waved his hand at the dedicated crewman and replied "See, thats why I am the captain"
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From: me own head
On November 21, 2006, one-legged Landen Flanders said:
A pirate had a parrot that wouldn't stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.

Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said "I promise, I'll be good from now on. But, I have just one question... What did the turkey do?????"
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