On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain's quarters. The Captain, surprised, says "Matey, ye be hurt!?"
"Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"
On June 5, 2013, seven-sea sailin' Black Eye Joe said:
A Pirate with a Wooden Eye walked into a Scanty Bar.
There he saw a Beautiful Gal drinking alone at the bar, dangling a peg leg over the barstool, and looking lonely.
She had a Harelip but she was a woman he could not over look.
So, he walked on over on his Peg Leg and asked, “Hey little darling, would you like to belly-up for a few drinks with me,” and she answered, “Would I, Would I,” and the Pirate retorted, “Harelip, Harelip!”
A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"
The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"
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From: I made it up myself, sARRRY to say. · Link hearrrre!
Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate
(10) "You can flog me, but I'm not eating creamed spinach."
(9) "I've buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes."
(8) "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas."
(7) "Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck."
(6) "This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days."
(5) "I wouldn't serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig."
(4) "If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?"
(3) "This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast."
(2) "Too many vegetables - too little shark."
(1) "What did they do with the last cook's body after he was hung from the yardarm?"
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From: Me book, GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING · Link hearrrre!
On February 6, 2008, the most piratical thebobsfan said:
A pirate and his crew were busy plundering a ship. When he entered the captain's quarters, he saw the captain hunched over a table, obviously deep in thought. When the captain didn't move, the pirate came closer with cutlass raised, but stopped short when he noticed that the captain was involved in a game of chess ... with a parrot! The pirate watched for a few seconds, and soon the captain made a move. "Good move! Good move!" the parrot cried, "Nice! Nice!"
Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.
The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)
"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.
"Somersaults," was the quick reply.
"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"
On September 15, 2007, the grog-addicted Marc Whitcombe said:
A pirate captain goes up to his first mate after a raid on a coastal village; "A good haul I hope" says the captain. "I'm afraid not captain," replied the first mate. "I think we picked a poor village to raid," he continued. "What!" exclaimed the captain, "How much money did you get?" "All we found were a few copper coins," replied the first mate. "Did you try the church? Did they have any fine tapestries or Holy treasures?" asked the Captain. "All we got was a wooden alter," replied the first mate. "What about the farms?" asked the captain. "Did they have any animals we can eat, or sell at market?" "One donkey" replied the first mate. "One donkey!" exclaimed the Captain. "Aaaargh" replied the first mate, and he continued ................. ................. ................. (Wait for it) ................. ................. "It was the only bray in the pillage."
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From: Wrote it for a review of a pirate related ride on my own website. · Link hearrrre!
On August 10, 2007, the sea-bitten The-Captin-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said:
One pirate said to his fellow crewmate, "Arrrgh, that be a fine looking hook and peg leg ye got for ye'self!"
The pirate replied, "I should think so, it cost me and arm and a leg!"
On August 3, 2007, the most piratical Annie Cook said:
After the storm the pirate captain was marooned on a deserted island. As he explored his desolate surroundings, he noticed that he couldn't find any wildlife.
There was plenty of fresh water, an abundance of coconuts and tropical fruit, and even a nice cache of rum. Finally, after days of searching, he thought he heard the sound of a chicken clucking.
When he found the source of the sound it was actually a parrot prancing around making the clucking sounds of a chicken.
The pirate told the parrot "Stop that clucking. You're not a chicken. You're a parrot. There are no chickens on this bloody island."
The parrot ignored him and continued to prance around saying "Cluck, cluck, cluck, I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken."
The pirate couldn't believe how stupid the parrot was, so he repeated, "I said, stop that clucking! You're not a chicken! You're a parrot! There are no chickens on this bloody island!"
The parrot ignored him again and pranced around saying "Cluck, cluck, cluck, I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken."
The pirate took out his knife and this time he said "I'm really hungry, I think I'll eat this stupid chicken!"
As the parrot flew away, he squawked "I'm a parrot! I'm a parrot! There are no stupid chickens on this bloody island!"
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From: Me cousin who had him a clucking parrot · Link hearrrre!
A guy walks into a pub with a t-shirt that says "Pirates are stupid for 3 reasons!" He walks up to the bar, orders an ale. and sits down. He no more than gets his quaff when a smelly old sot comes up to him and says, "Aaargh, thar, matey! What's that yer shirt be sayin' thar?"
The guy looks around, looks the man straight in the eyes (well, in his one good eye, anyway), and says "Reason number 1 -- Pirates can't read!" Then he turns around to enjoy his beverage.
Not used to this sort of disrespect, the surly gent takes his hooked arm, lays it aggressively on the man's shoulder, and slowly says, "What's that ye be sayin' thar, sonny-boy?"
The guy looks around again, looks his aggressor square in the eye this time, and enunciates, "Rea-son num-ber 2 -- Pirates can't hear!" And again, he turns around to face the bar.
Well, by this time, the old codger has had enough. He backs up, pulls his sword, and growls, "Aaaaargh, ye bilge rat, that be enuff of yer sass! Stand up and fight, ye lubber, yer soon to be acquainted with Davy Jones, his-self!"
With that, the guy stands up, pulls his pistol, and shoots the pirate dead through his one good eye. He drops his head as he watches him fall, sighs, and says, "Reason #3 -- You pirates are constantly bringing swords to gunfights!"
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From: Remix of an old inappropriate ethnic joke · Link hearrrre!
On June 27, 2007, the grog-addicted Undead Sea Monkey said:
