Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
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On September 15, 2007, salty ol' Marc Whitcombe said:
A pirate captain goes up to his first mate after a raid on a coastal village;
"A good haul I hope" says the captain.
"I'm afraid not captain," replied the first mate. "I think we picked a poor village to raid," he continued.
"What!" exclaimed the captain, "How much money did you get?"
"All we found were a few copper coins," replied the first mate.
"Did you try the church? Did they have any fine tapestries or Holy treasures?" asked the Captain.
"All we got was a wooden alter," replied the first mate.
"What about the farms?" asked the captain. "Did they have any animals we can eat, or sell at market?"
"One donkey" replied the first mate.
"One donkey!" exclaimed the Captain.
"Aaaargh" replied the first mate, and he continued .................
.................
.................
(Wait for it)
.................
.................
"It was the only bray in the pillage."
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From: Wrote it for a review of a pirate related ride on my own website.
On August 11, 2007, chumbucket lickin' Pirate Jenny said:
There once was a pirate named Bates,
Who danced the Fandango on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates!
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From: Can't remember
On August 10, 2007, land-lubber The-Captin-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said:
One pirate said to his fellow crewmate, "Arrrgh, that be a fine looking hook and peg leg ye got for ye'self!"

The pirate replied, "I should think so, it cost me and arm and a leg!"
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On August 3, 2007, the sea-bitten Annie Cook said:
After the storm the pirate captain was marooned on a deserted island. As he explored his desolate surroundings, he noticed that he couldn't find any wildlife.

There was plenty of fresh water, an abundance of coconuts and tropical fruit, and even a nice cache of rum. Finally, after days of searching, he thought he heard the sound of a chicken clucking.

When he found the source of the sound it was actually a parrot prancing around making the clucking sounds of a chicken.

The pirate told the parrot "Stop that clucking. You're not a chicken. You're a parrot. There are no chickens on this bloody island."

The parrot ignored him and continued to prance around saying "Cluck, cluck, cluck, I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken."

The pirate couldn't believe how stupid the parrot was, so he repeated, "I said, stop that clucking! You're not a chicken! You're a parrot! There are no chickens on this bloody island!"

The parrot ignored him again and pranced around saying "Cluck, cluck, cluck, I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken."

The pirate took out his knife and this time he said "I'm really hungry, I think I'll eat this stupid chicken!"

As the parrot flew away, he squawked "I'm a parrot! I'm a parrot! There are no stupid chickens on this bloody island!"
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From: Me cousin who had him a clucking parrot
On July 19, 2007, captain RobRoy said:
A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.

"What's that?" asks the captain.
"Well, there are no women" replies the man.

"Arrr" says the captain "Follow me!" The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.

However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!

The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly. The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"

"Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"
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From: traditional