On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain's quarters. The Captain, surprised, says "Matey, ye be hurt!?"
"Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"
On June 5, 2013, seven-sea sailin' Black Eye Joe said:
A Pirate with a Wooden Eye walked into a Scanty Bar.
There he saw a Beautiful Gal drinking alone at the bar, dangling a peg leg over the barstool, and looking lonely.
She had a Harelip but she was a woman he could not over look.
So, he walked on over on his Peg Leg and asked, “Hey little darling, would you like to belly-up for a few drinks with me,” and she answered, “Would I, Would I,” and the Pirate retorted, “Harelip, Harelip!”
On August 22, 2010, the most piratical Cap'n Karikas said:
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!
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From: http://www.drpsychotic.com/jokes/jokes13.html · Link hearrrre!
A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"
The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"
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From: I made it up myself, sARRRY to say. · Link hearrrre!
Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate
(10) "You can flog me, but I'm not eating creamed spinach."
(9) "I've buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes."
(8) "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas."
(7) "Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck."
(6) "This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days."
(5) "I wouldn't serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig."
(4) "If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?"
(3) "This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast."
(2) "Too many vegetables - too little shark."
(1) "What did they do with the last cook's body after he was hung from the yardarm?"
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From: Me book, GUIDE TO PIRATE PARENTING · Link hearrrre!
On September 30, 2008, the sea-bitten Steve said:
A new guy shows up for a job on a pirate ship. He walks into the galley, where all the pirates are eating beans. "I'm here for a job," he said. The pirate captain looks at him, sort of leans over and lets out a long, low, juicy fart. All the pirates start farting, low and long. Soon, the place reeks. The man, wanting to show that he's tough enough to be a pirate tries to fart but only manages a "Squeeeek, poot..."
It all gets quiet on the pirate ship, and the captain stands up, waiving his hook in the air and says: "I get the virgin!"
On February 6, 2008, the most piratical thebobsfan said:
A pirate and his crew were busy plundering a ship. When he entered the captain's quarters, he saw the captain hunched over a table, obviously deep in thought. When the captain didn't move, the pirate came closer with cutlass raised, but stopped short when he noticed that the captain was involved in a game of chess ... with a parrot! The pirate watched for a few seconds, and soon the captain made a move. "Good move! Good move!" the parrot cried, "Nice! Nice!"
Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.
The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)
"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.
"Somersaults," was the quick reply.
"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"
On September 15, 2007, the grog-addicted Marc Whitcombe said:
A pirate captain goes up to his first mate after a raid on a coastal village; "A good haul I hope" says the captain. "I'm afraid not captain," replied the first mate. "I think we picked a poor village to raid," he continued. "What!" exclaimed the captain, "How much money did you get?" "All we found were a few copper coins," replied the first mate. "Did you try the church? Did they have any fine tapestries or Holy treasures?" asked the Captain. "All we got was a wooden alter," replied the first mate. "What about the farms?" asked the captain. "Did they have any animals we can eat, or sell at market?" "One donkey" replied the first mate. "One donkey!" exclaimed the Captain. "Aaaargh" replied the first mate, and he continued ................. ................. ................. (Wait for it) ................. ................. "It was the only bray in the pillage."
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From: Wrote it for a review of a pirate related ride on my own website. · Link hearrrre!
On August 11, 2007, land-lubber Pirate Jenny said:
There once was a pirate named Bates, Who danced the Fandango on skates. He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates!
