Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pirate Walking.
Pirate Walking who?

Pirate walking on two wooden legs!

To err is human.
To ARRR is pirate.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, "Excuse me sir, I hope you don't mind but I couldn't help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?"

The pirate looked up, paused and said, "Arrrr no... me father was a tree!"

So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.

The wench looks him over and says, "Nice pirate outfit. Where'd you get your earrings?"

The pirate says, "Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street."

So the wench exclaims, "Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!"

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Dabloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among another odd birth defect. Dabloon of course inquires, "How he be a'holdin 'is ground?" Smartly, the parrot replied "Awk! With me yardarm of course," to which the parrot opens his wings and reveals his other birth defect, his wraparound length tally-whacker. The captain is amazed at the impressive appendage, and of course considers the parrot perfect among his mangy and motley crew.

Captain Loony Dabloon and the newly-monikered Tiltin Yardarm fast become talkative mates, and the captain wastes no time in warning his feathery friend of his cunning and lecherous first mate, Rusty Pegleg. "A foul bosom's mate he is, he'll steal your wench from ye as soon as he'd steal the bung from its hole!"

They voyage on, and at the next port the crew finds a slew of horny wenches, of which the captain always gets the first pick. Dabloon immediately picks the sauciest wench of the bunch, taking well into account as Rusty Pegleg drools at the mere sight of her. The captain keeps his lady waiting in his quarters while he settles with the mistress of the brothel, betting his first mate wouldn't be brazen enough to plunder the Captain's choice pick with Tiltin Yardarm bearing witness.

However, when the Captain returns, his wench is gone, and Yardarm begins to squawk a terrible account. Loony Dabloon is incensed-
"What transpired 'ere, and where's me choice wench?!"
"Awk! Rusty Pegleg is all to blame, I swear me Cap'n!"
This further infuriates Dabloon- "Tell yer every bit of it or I'll 'ave ye defeathered 'n tarred!" Titltin musters his courage- "Awk! He burst through the door and thrust her to the bed!" The captain now is boiling. "And then what 'appened?!"
His parrot begins to quiver. "Awk! She moaned and begged him to drop his anchor!"
Dabloon unsheathes his cutlass in a fit of anger, pointing at his feathery witness- "Spare no detail or it's yer life!" Shivering, his misplaced target of anger musters- "Awk! She was clawing for him to take her, begging him, pleading him 'Oh captain, Oh captain!'"
To this, the maddened Captain Loony Dabloon thrusts the tip of his blade to the edge of the poor parrot's neck- "Every bloody detail or yer to walk the plank and find Davey Jones locker with 'im!" Tiltin Yardarm swallows heavily and replies- "I can't bear witness to what happened next. I fell right off me perch!"