Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
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ARRRRtichoke Tote Bag


On August 22, 2010, one-legged Cap'n Karikas said:
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!
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On March 20, 2005, the dreaded Cap'n Karikas said:
So a pirate walks into a bar, okay, and swaggers up to the barkeep and demands a glass of rum. I believe his exact words were "Your rum or your life, dog, what'll it be?".

And so the bartender, being a reasonable fellow, makes no complaint but simply grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill (this being, as I said before, a large glass) he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.

This pirate is in full pirate gear. Gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere, all of it. But protruding from his pirate trousers is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.

Well, the bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Slapping a dubloon on the bartop, he turns to walk away, when our bartender's curiousity gets the best of him.

"Wait, one second. What's up with the steering wheel?"

And the pirate turns back and fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye. "Arrr, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
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On March 15, 2006, the grog-addicted Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
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From: WonTon's mom
On August 14, 2006, the dreaded Scott said:
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck!
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From: somewhere humourous...
On July 22, 2010, the most piratical James Craven said:
Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
To buy an iPatch! (Aye Patch)
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From: Colin Cowherd, ESPN SportsNation
On September 28, 2007, chumbucket lickin' The BOBS Fan said:
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Rookie!
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From: Me own charred remains of a brain
On February 16, 2010, chumbucket lickin' Angel said:
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
You think it's the RRRRR, but it's the C that they're in love with!
Aye.
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From: Captain Yarrrrley
On July 27, 2006, salty ol' Jim V. said:
Did you hear about the pirate who took up boxing?
He had a killer left hook!
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From: Inspired by a "Rhymes With Orange" comic
On January 28, 2007, the most piratical Sarah said:
What's Captain Hook's favorite store?
The Secondhand Shop!
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From: Webkinz.com
On May 13, 2014, regular scallywag Medicine Moll said:
What is a pirate's least favourite vegetable?
Leeks!
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From: Spanish waters