Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
Pirate booty! Pirate merchandise for sale

ARRRRtichoke Organic T


On July 19, 2007, one-legged RobRoy said:
A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.

"What's that?" asks the captain.
"Well, there are no women" replies the man.

"Arrr" says the captain "Follow me!" The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.

However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!

The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly. The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"

"Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: traditional
On June 16, 2009, the grog-addicted Captain "Cannon Balls" MacFadyen said:
Why do young pirates always fail when saying the alphabet in kindergarten?
Because their fathers insist that there are seven Cs!!!!
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: deep inside me pirate gullet
On September 19, 2006, one-eyed Genevieve Atkerson said:
Why is pirating addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: Genevieve Atkerrrson
On March 24, 2005, one-eyed Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"
Rate this joke!
Rate this salty joke a 1 (currently 3.8608)Rate this salty joke a 2 (currently 3.8608)Rate this salty joke a 3 (currently 3.8608)Rate this salty joke a 4 (currently 3.8608)Rate this salty joke a 5 (currently 3.8608)
On March 15, 2006, the scurvy Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: WonTon's mom
On March 20, 2005, scurvy knave Cap'n Karikas said:
So a pirate walks into a bar, okay, and swaggers up to the barkeep and demands a glass of rum. I believe his exact words were "Your rum or your life, dog, what'll it be?".

And so the bartender, being a reasonable fellow, makes no complaint but simply grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill (this being, as I said before, a large glass) he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.

This pirate is in full pirate gear. Gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere, all of it. But protruding from his pirate trousers is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.

Well, the bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Slapping a dubloon on the bartop, he turns to walk away, when our bartender's curiousity gets the best of him.

"Wait, one second. What's up with the steering wheel?"

And the pirate turns back and fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye. "Arrr, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
On September 28, 2007, chumbucket lickin' The BOBS Fan said:
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Rookie!
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: Me own charred remains of a brain
On January 28, 2007, captain Sarah said:
What's Captain Hook's favorite store?
The Secondhand Shop!
Rate this joke!
Arrr, ye've already voted - vote again and ye'll sleep with Davy Jones!
From: Webkinz.com
On December 7, 2008, salty ol' Jason Hill said:
What did the pirate say to man who insulted him?
I know you ARR, but what am AYE?!!!!
Rate this joke!
Rate this salty joke a 1 (currently 3.8029)Rate this salty joke a 2 (currently 3.8029)Rate this salty joke a 3 (currently 3.8029)Rate this salty joke a 4 (currently 3.8029)Rate this salty joke a 5 (currently 3.8029)
From: Heard it around the interblags
On August 14, 2006, the dreaded Scott said:
Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck!
Rate this joke!
Rate this salty joke a 1 (currently 3.8028)Rate this salty joke a 2 (currently 3.8028)Rate this salty joke a 3 (currently 3.8028)Rate this salty joke a 4 (currently 3.8028)Rate this salty joke a 5 (currently 3.8028)
From: somewhere humourous...
Back one page, ye lilly-livered land lubber!
1
2
Next page, ye scurvy curr