Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
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Crabby Pirate Jr. Ringer T-Shirt


On July 31, 2014, the dreaded Curtis said:
On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain's quarters. The Captain, surprised, says "Matey, ye be hurt!?"

"Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"
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From: Oregon
On August 22, 2010, seven sea sailin' Cap'n Karikas said:
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!
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On February 25, 2008, barnacle bitten iiawg the terrible! said:
How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
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From: I made it up.
On September 19, 2006, one-eyed Genevieve Atkerson said:
Why is pirating addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
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From: Genevieve Atkerrrson
On September 19, 2013, one-eyed Jim said:
Why did the hippy pirate smoke pot before his music lesson?
Because he loved it on the high Cs!
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From: my twisted brain
On March 24, 2005, barnacle bitten Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"
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On March 20, 2005, scurvy knave Cap'n Karikas said:
So a pirate walks into a bar, okay, and swaggers up to the barkeep and demands a glass of rum. I believe his exact words were "Your rum or your life, dog, what'll it be?".

And so the bartender, being a reasonable fellow, makes no complaint but simply grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill (this being, as I said before, a large glass) he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.

This pirate is in full pirate gear. Gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere, all of it. But protruding from his pirate trousers is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.

Well, the bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Slapping a dubloon on the bartop, he turns to walk away, when our bartender's curiousity gets the best of him.

"Wait, one second. What's up with the steering wheel?"

And the pirate turns back and fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye. "Arrr, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
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On March 15, 2006, salty ol' Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
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From: WonTon's mom
On November 17, 2010, regular scallywag First Mate Albert said:
What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One's a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy!
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From: The briny depths of my ARRmagination.
On January 28, 2007, the grog-addicted Sarah said:
What's Captain Hook's favorite store?
The Secondhand Shop!
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From: Webkinz.com
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