A pirate goes to the doctor to figure out why his waist hurts so much.

The doctor examines him, then comes to the conclusion.

"Captain, my dianosis is this. You have Hempatitus."

The captain is awash with fear!

"Argh, how can this be? I've only been with good clean wenches me whole life!"

"No!" replies the doctor. "You have hempatitus. The hemp rope holding up your pants is too tight! You've got Hemp-a-titus!"