Yarrgh, ye scurvy dog!
Pirate booty! Pirate merchandise for sale

Wee Pirate Skull - Adults Dark T-Shirt


On March 19, 2005, salty ol' Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
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On March 24, 2005, captain Cap'n Karikas said:
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
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On September 12, 2008, scurvy dog Ryan Huber said:
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!
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From: Original
On May 13, 2014, scurvy dog Medicine Moll said:
What is a pirate's least favourite vegetable?
Leeks!
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From: Spanish waters
On January 9, 2007, regular scallywag Samurai! said:
What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty!
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From: Drunken Stupor.
On July 31, 2014, scurvy dog Curtis said:
On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain's quarters. The Captain, surprised, says "Matey, ye be hurt!?"

"Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"
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From: Oregon
On September 19, 2013, the grog-addicted Jim said:
Why did the hippy pirate smoke pot before his music lesson?
Because he loved it on the high Cs!
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From: my twisted brain
On September 26, 2008, regular scallywag Tessy said:
What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
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From: My ingenios pirotic mind
On April 7, 2010, the scurvy man said:
What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
HIGH SEAS!
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From: ESPN's Sportsnation
On May 21, 2009, chumbucket lickin' "Hook"ers said:
What do pirates and pimps have in common?
They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp!
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From: Flarrrrrrida!!!
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