A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, "Excuse me sir, I hope you don't mind but I couldn't help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?"
The pirate looked up, paused and said, "Arrrr no... me father was a tree!"
So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, "Nice pirate outfit. Where'd you get your earrings?"
The pirate says, "Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street."
So the wench exclaims, "Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!"
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From: Heard it from a friend radio announcer. · Link hearrrre!
On January 2, 2007, the scurvy themagicman09 (edit by Captain Karikas) said:
There once was an old pirate captain, and this captain had a son who had no ears. One day the pirate captain picked up some new crew members. As the new recruits got on board the captain told them about his son, and that he was very sensitive about the fact that he had no ears. He said that if they offended his son by saying any thing about his ears they would have to walk the plank! The new pirates were naturally nervous about meeting this boy.
Well, after a while some of the pirates met the boy. The first pirate tried not to look at him, but he couldn't handle it and kept staring. The boy yelled "What are you looking at!?" Hurried to think of an excuse, the pirate said "I was just admiring your hand! Take care of your hand, or you will have to wear a hook like me." "Thank you for the advice", said the boy.
Soon a second pirate encoutered the boy. When he stared at the boy the boy said "What are you looking at!?" "I was just admiring your leg," said the pirate. "You take care of your leg, or you will have to wear a wooden leg like me!" "Thank you for the advice," said the boy.
Later a third pirate encountered the boy and stared. When the boy said "What are you looking at!?" the pirate said "I was just admiring your eyes. You take care of your eyes or you will have to wear glasses like me... and you can't wear glasses, because you don't have any ears to hold them up!"
There once was a pirate captain, he lorded over the seas. There were none as brave as this pirate captain. One day as the sun was just peeping over the horizon, a crew member awoke to see that there was a ship heading toward their own precious vessel- their own precious vessel that was the home to countless priceless genuine artifacts.
As soon as he spied this unfriendly colony sailing toward his own precious ship, the crewman ran {as fast as he could with only one leg} to his beloved captains quarters crieing out cries of "Captain! captain! Oh one who lords so lordly over the seas, there is a ship nearing these waters! I dont think it wise to remain in slumber whilst such a danger is advancing upon us!"
The captain, tired from a long night partying the previous evening, merely waved his hand at the dedicated crewman and replied "See, thats why I am the captain"
On November 21, 2006, scurvy knave Landen Flanders said:
A pirate had a parrot that wouldn't stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.
Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said "I promise, I'll be good from now on. But, I have just one question... What did the turkey do?????"
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
After a particuliarly long fight at sea the winning captain comes ashore to find a large crew of media. The reporters fight to ask questions before the Captain finally singles out one attractive, young reporter, who asks: "Captain, Where did you learn such amazing tactics? was it the Navy?"
The Captain, obviously amused replied: "Well it sure wasn't the ARRRRRmy!"
Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself.
So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo.
He need to take another photo so he asked Blackbeard to "Please Poseidon!"
A man walks into a pet store and says, "I'm playing Long John Silver in the play Treasure Island, and I'm looking for a parrot. Can you sell me one?" The pet store owner says, "You don't want a real parrot, it'll squawk all the time and poop on your shoulder, and what if it falls off during the play?" The man says, "Well, I want to be as realistic as possible." The pet store owner says, "I've got a stuffed parrot you can use. Can you pick it up on Thursday?"
"Oh, I can't come on Thursday. That's when I'm getting my leg cut off."
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From: Pirate Joke of the day during rehearsal for Treasure Island · Link hearrrre!
On March 15, 2006, regular scallywag Cap'n Karikas said:
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
A pirate captain walks into a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world of women, know what I mean? His first mate notices some lovely piratical wenches across the bar.
"Arr, cap'n, you should go o'er thar and talk to her, ask her to dance, aye?"
The captain replied "Arrrr, but what about me one eye? What if she makes fun of it?"
"Don't worry cap'n," said the first mate. "She only has one leg! She won't say anything with that one peg leg."
Convinced, the captain went over and immediately impressed the lady as pirates will do. He asked her if she'd like to dance.
A pirate walks into a bar with a mangy, infected parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "You shouldn't be that close to something so disgusting, such a low-life animal." The pirate says, "Arr, it's ok, he's had his shots." Then the bartender says... "I was talking to the parrot!"
