Every joke in the hold

A man walks into a pet store and says, "I'm playing Long John Silver in the play Treasure Island, and I'm looking for a parrot. Can you sell me one?" The pet store owner says, "You don't want a real parrot, it'll squawk all the time and poop on your shoulder, and what if it falls off during the play?" The man says, "Well, I want to be as realistic as possible." The pet store owner says, "I've got a stuffed parrot you can use. Can you pick it up on Thursday?"

"Oh, I can't come on Thursday. That's when I'm getting my leg cut off."

A Pirate with a Wooden Eye walked into a Scanty Bar.

There he saw a Beautiful Gal drinking alone at the bar, dangling a peg leg over the barstool, and looking lonely.

She had a Harelip but she was a woman he could not over look.

So, he walked on over on his Peg Leg and asked, “Hey little
darling, would you like to belly-up for a few drinks with me,” and she answered, “Would I, Would I,” and the Pirate retorted, “Harelip, Harelip!”

Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate

(10) "You can flog me, but I'm not eating creamed spinach."

(9) "I've buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes."

(8) "I'll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas."

(7) "Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck."

(6) "This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days."

(5) "I wouldn't serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig."

(4) "If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?"

(3) "This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast."

(2) "Too many vegetables - too little shark."

(1) "What did they do with the last cook's body after he was hung from the yardarm?"