On July 4, 2006, seven-sea sailin' Bobilicious said:
Why don't pirates smoke?
Because they wear a patch!
From: Heard it somewhere · Link hearrrre!
Every joke in the hold
Showing jokes 151–165 of 995 scurvy jokes.
On April 17, 2007, chumbucket-lickin' Jeff McGuinness said:
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, "Excuse me sir, I hope you don't mind but I couldn't help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?"
The pirate looked up, paused and said, "Arrrr no... me father was a tree!"
The pirate looked up, paused and said, "Arrrr no... me father was a tree!"
From: Dave 'The Legend' McConnell · Link hearrrre!
On September 9, 2010, salty ol' Pirate lass Laura said:
How do pirates solve their differences?
ARRRRrrrrrrbitration!
From: me sodden skull · Link hearrrre!
On May 15, 2009, the sea-bitten Ranzoon said:
Why do pirates like to play Chinese Checkers?
Because it's got a star board!!!!
From: I made it up · Link hearrrre!
On April 7, 2010, chumbucket-lickin' James Craven said:
Did you hear about Apple's new technology for pirates?
The iPatch!
From: SportsNation at ESPN · Link hearrrre!
On February 6, 2008, the most piratical thebobsfan said:
A pirate and his crew were busy plundering a ship. When he entered the captain's quarters, he saw the captain hunched over a table, obviously deep in thought. When the captain didn't move, the pirate came closer with cutlass raised, but stopped short when he noticed that the captain was involved in a game of chess ... with a parrot! The pirate watched for a few seconds, and soon the captain made a move. "Good move! Good move!" the parrot cried, "Nice! Nice!"
Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.
The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)
"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.
"Somersaults," was the quick reply.
"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"
"That would depend on how hard I slap him."
Well, needless to say, the pirate was quite impressed. "Arrgh, matey! That be quite the talented parrot ye be playin' against thar," he said.
The captain looked up at the pirate, somewhat startled, as he had been so involved with the game that he had not noticed the tar standing there. "Ahh, he's not so smart," he replied, "I've beaten the blighter two out of three." (Bah-dum-dum)
"So what would the bird do if ye made a blunder?" asked the pirate.
"Somersaults," was the quick reply.
"Somersaults?" the pirate said, "That be incredble! How many would it be doin' then?"
"That would depend on how hard I slap him."
From: Just me reworking old jokes · Link hearrrre!
On March 19, 2005, the grog-addicted Cap'n Karikas said:
What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!
From: http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html · Link hearrrre!
On May 22, 2007, one-eyed Richard Tyrone Jones said:
Why was the pirate scared of the circle?
S'currrrvey!
From: Traditional · Link hearrrre!
On April 4, 2008, barnacle-bitten Bloody Nuala said:
What is the greatest pirate college rock band?
Arrr. E. M.
From: I thought it up, scurvy dog! · Link hearrrre!
On June 3, 2012, the most piratical jack said:
A pirate walks into a bar with a huge multi coloured parrot on his shoulder.
The barkeep, amazed at this sight, says "Now where did you get that!?"
The parrot replies "Pirate Bay, the place is loaded with 'em!!"
The barkeep, amazed at this sight, says "Now where did you get that!?"
The parrot replies "Pirate Bay, the place is loaded with 'em!!"
From: don't remember · Link hearrrre!
On July 30, 2008, regular scallywag Jerami said:
What did the pirate name his cat?
Garrrrrfield!
From: Swabbie King o' the Great Lakes · Link hearrrre!
On September 18, 2007, the sea-bitten sassy lass said:
How much are pirate union fees?
An arm and a leg!
From: me booty · Link hearrrre!
On September 19, 2005, one-legged Robert Bolton said:
What did the pirate say when someone asked him if he knew any pirate jokes?
Arrrrr you kidding me...
From: my heart and soul · Link hearrrre!
On September 18, 2010, land-lubber Barnacle Barry said:
Why don't pirates need lawyers?
They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration!
From: Jump'in Joe Jaworrrrski · Link hearrrre!
On September 15, 2009, salty ol' Cap'n Scurvy Dog Steve said:
A pirate recently retired and joined the American Association of Retired, Reprehensible, Rapacious, Rabid Guys, otherwise known as AARRRRG!
From: Dirty-dog Dougo · Link hearrrre!